A Reason
Deep in the pages of the New Testament, as the new Christian community bumps up against a Greco-Roman world, the author of I Peter encourages his fellow Christ-believers:
But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. (I Peter 3:15-16)
“Give an answer to everyone who asks you…” I want to take a page from Peter’s advice in an upside-down kind of way. Some people have asked me why I no longer believe in God after 40 years a Christian, raised on the Brazilian mission field and a pastor for two decades. Others have not asked but have wondered. And others have told me that I’m not being honest with myself and I really do still believe…deep down, somewhere in the better parts of my imago dei. Yet, even those who ask have not really had the time or made the time to hear the answer for the “hope” that I have. This blog series sets out to do exactly that.
The Reason
You can read it at your leisure. You can ignore it. You can read parts of it, but it’s my atheist testimony, if you will. But, why? Why would I even take time to explain my reasons for non-belief? Am I just taking jabs at Christians from a wounded and bitter place, trying to hurt or embarrass the Christian community? No. It’s hard to navigate this existence…to find a worldview that orients you in a meaningful and positive way of moving through life. I know Christianity has and still provides an oreinting framework for so many marvelous human beings. But, here’s why I write this blog series.
Often when a christian deconverts, individual christians or sometimes the believing community itself sheds its light on the situation:
“Ahh, you never really believed in the first place.”
“You just want to live an immoral life. Your disbelief is simply a way to justify your selfish behavior.”
“Satan has a hold of your heart. He is blinding you to the truth of God’s love and redemption.”
“You’ve been wounded by the Church and your disbelief is not really in God but a way of getting back at the community who’s harmed you.”
“Wanting to belong to secular culture is seducing you away from the truth of God.”
For many, watching your faith erode is terrifying, painful, lonely, and disorienting, and Believers compound such feelings by easily dismissing such a personal, foundational and traumatic experience with trite platitudes. In a way, by using such explanations believers tell you they know better than you what you are thinking, feeling and experiencing - as if they can read your mind, motives and intent. Reactive responses such as these can come across as arrogant and compassionless.
“Why I’m Not a Christian” is my attempt to do two things:
Provide a space where others who are are experiencing doubt or who find themselves in the midst of deconversion can find peace and solidarity, to realize they are not crazy, wicked or alone - a place to tame the shame, guilt and fear that often comes in the process.
To challenge believers to take non-believesr seriously, to legitimize (that doesn’t mean agree) their reasons for non-belief, to not quickly dismiss or label the deconverting. I hope it spurs deeper conversation and empathy.
This blog series is my personal reasons, experience and thoughts. I’m not an atheist apologist. I won’t use the philosophical names for arguments because I likely won’t know them. I’m not a philosopher either. The posts you read here are simply an explanation as to why I can no longer believe in God - and by God in this series I mean the Judeo-Christian God.
Peace And Pause
Thank you for taking the time to read. I hope if you are in the process of deconveting you find PEACE here and if you are a believer, I hope you find PAUSE.